My heart and soul

I've had a rough week, as a mom, as an educator, as a wife, as a daughter. I can talk more about that later. With all that said, I've cried 3 times this week. Some weeks are just like that. I was thankful for it to be Friday and have a long weekend before school starts for the kids AND for me too!

Bella was having a rough night. Luca really wanted to sleep with her, the little snuggle bug. She needed some space. She agreed because she knew how bad he wanted to and that we'd allow it because it was the weekend. Then, she melted into a million emotions.

We talked and she expressed a lot of emotions. When I told her that I understood her being stressed out and feeling out of sorts. There's been a lot going on in our lives individually and as a family. She has such a pure heart and a genuine soul. When we continued talking, she expressed that she trusted "you and Daddy, I really know that I can trust you. If I tell you something and ask you not to tell anyone, you don't." My heart melted into a million pieces. She realizes that she can confide in me and that I won't tell anyone. This says a lot about what she thinks about me. I'm glad that she knows that I'm a trusting person.

As we continued to talk, she made me realize that I'm doing okay as a mom. Sometimes as moms, we really struggle. I struggle with working full time, being a mom, doing volunteer stuff for school, being a wife, a good friend, maintaining our marriage, feeding my soul, working out and feeling strong... it's a constant balance. Sometimes, one side of the scale is heavier than the other. Today it was. Bella said to me "you and dad are really great parents, you really are." I thanked her for sharing that with me. I told her how I was proud of her and that's she's a really great kid.

Tonight, the scale was heavy on the mom side. Tonight, I cried happy tears. My girl gets me.

Sibling care

Yesterday, after we received Bella's prosthetic, we had another appointment for one of her brothers. Bella and Grayson attend "sibling care" at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin while I attend the appointment with Luca. It's a really great resource for the siblings, they get a lot of attention, there's tons of toys and creative activities and the get to interact with some really great people. Mary is one of them.

I've worked with Mary at Children's for many years. She's held a number of roles. She's also married to one of the chaplain's who I happen to adore. I've been able to interact with her on a nurse level and now as a parent. She's amazing.

I dropped the kids at sibling care yesterday and carried on at my appointment with Luca. It takes about an hour each time and we have weekly appointments. Bella and Grayson have grown familiar with Mary and are very comfortable with her.

Bella wanted to share with Mary that she had just picked up her prosthetic. Mary asked "can I ask some questions and you can say pass if you don't want to answer?" Once again, she's amazing and the one she prefaced this to Bella was so kind. Bella said "Sure"

"Were you born without your hand or did something happen?"

"I was born like this."

"So you've never been able to experience life with two hands."

"No"

"Soooooo tell me what was it like to put on the prosthetic for the first time? Was it just ok? Was it totally awesome? was it different?"

"It was TOTALLY awesome!"

I could hear the excitement in Bella's voice and my heart skipped a beat. I gave Mary the look... how kind and loving that she asked her and genuinely showed her excitement for Bella. We continued to talk about Camp No Limits and how she'll learn to really use it this coming weekend. Mary expressed her interest, wrote down the name of camp and told Bella she couldn't wait to hear all about it. Mary's expressions on her face said it all and Bella's face lit up.

After all the struggles with appointments, all the back and forth of driving, all of the complete exhaustion on my part, the tears on her part from being stuck in a car... the world melted away and it was all worth it. In that moment, everything I've worked so hard to do for this girl came back to me ten fold. I had done something that was so much more then fight with insurance and tons of driving. I had helped her to open doors ahead of her. I had helped her to realize that we will fight to the ends of the earth for her. I had given it my all and it was worth it. SHE was worth it. This moment was worth it.