Be a little LESS judgey

I was at the gym on Saturday minding my own business when I overheard a woman say "She should've bought at least 25 boxes from her daughter!"... they were talking about a little Girl Scout who only sold 25 boxes of cookies. I continued getting ready but it got under my skin. It got so far under my skin that 2 days later, I'm still annoyed by it.

Can we be a little less judgey please? I mean for the love of Pete, she sold 25 boxes, I'm sure other girls sold 100, some even 200... but lets be real, not all of us have it in us every year to beg people to buy shit from our children.

Let's think about the stuff my kids raise money for: Jump Rope for Heart, Girl Scouts, Camp No Limits, Magazine sales, spring fundraiser, fall fundraiser... that's only the start I'm sure. But here's the thing, while I love Girl Scouts and I will eat the crap out of some thin mints, I have to balance my priorities.

This year during cookie sales our Luna girl was SO sick. The last thing I cared about was how many boxes of cookies my daughter sold OR how many I bought. My concern was for our dog, how my kids were dealing with a dog they knew was sick, balancing work, home, relationships, balancing homework and fun, balancing how to best help our Luna to be sure she was getting the best care possible and the most love. There were MANY days I spent home snuggling her instead of running errands or going to the gym. There were days I spent cleaning up dog accidents and then loving Luna. There were days I ate too many chocolates and days I didn't drink enough water. My priority in all of it was Luna.

What I'm saying is that people EVERY WHERE are listening, even people in the gym locker room. I'm a girl scout mom and I felt judged by these bitches in the locker room. Yes I said bitches. Think about kindness, think about love, think about joy. A little less negativity people.

Tonight, I listened to my sweet 9 year old cry herself to sleep about missing her dog. About missing her snuggles and her "unconditional love, she just loved you no matter what. If you were sad or happy, she loved you. AND she knew, she knew if you were sad and needed extra love." I told her that someday, she'd understand that as her mama I loved her the same way her sweet pup did. I love her no matter what. My words "if you are happy or sad, if you are a total jerk or the sweetest angel, if you seriously fail a test or if you do amazing, I love you endlessly, no matter what. Someday, when you are a mama, I hope you realize that I love you like Luna did."

Be like Luna, love unconditionally, no matter what.

Comment

I received an email from Bella's teacher titled "comment". In the body of the email she said another student made a "not so nice comment" about Bella's hand. She proceeded to say that the child sincerely apologized right away. Her teacher said she took care of it right away.

I read it just before I left for the gym for an evening workout. Bella wanted to go with me to get a break from her brothers and "play with the babies". The car provided the perfect opportunity for us to talk about the situation.

"Hey Boo Ms. Car* sent an email about a comment a kid said at lunch. What happened?"

"Oh well we were at lunch at Braydon* said you don't have any fingers." She said very nonchalant about it like it was no big deal.

"Really? I thought you and Braydon* were friends? That's a total bummer that he would say something like that."

"Yeah well he was just mad and sometimes he says things when he's angry without really thinking about it. He apologized and I forgave him."

"So you're okay with everything."

"Yeah usually when people say things like you're weird or thats different, I just say I was born that way and it's either okay or not. If it is then we just play. If it's not then that's their issue."

My sweet girl is SO much stronger and braver than I. This is something that she's dealt with for her entire life. She's figuring out that people are accepting or they aren't... She's also figuring out that if they aren't accepting then she can carry on.

My heart broke a tiny bit as I thought about the things she's dealt with in her short little life in regards to her hand and figuring out different ways to do things. She's dealt with kids at a tender age trying to figure out her difference and how it effects them or how it doesn't. I can't imagine how that must feel to her. I do know without a shadow of a doubt that she'll be that much strong and braver when she grows because of these experiences.

*names changed to protect privacy

Beauty and the Beast review

I keep seeing posts with friends asking "Is Beauty and the Beast too scary for my child?" We watched it and couldn't love it enough! It was a really great and engaging movie. It's very much like the cartoon movie... only not a cartoon.

Luca and Grayson were fully engaged. They both sat quietly and watched... well that's not the whole truth. Luca talks 24/7... yep like even in his sleep. So there were times when we had to say "Oh shh watch the movie, let's see what happens next". Like multiple times. He wanted to talk about what was happening and what he thought was going to happen next. Grayson on the other hand like our chill easy going guy, just watched and sat quietly.

Bella watched quietly and took everything in. Nearing the end of the movie, I saw tears in her eyes.

I whispered "Are you ok?"

"Mom he looks scary but if they really got to know him then they would know he's not" her eyes remained filled with tears. We cuddled a little closer.

"Mom why are they so mean to him without even knowing him? He's SO nice and so caring. He loves Belle. If they talked to him and knew him they wouldn't be afraid."

"It's just a movie  Boo Bear, don't worry" again, I pulled her closer.

At the end of the movie, we talked about it more. I'm so proud of my girl. She asks questions. She thinks deeply about things that effect other people. She cares about other people and how they feel. We've had these talks before about how people do things and it effects us.

I may not win at everything parenting related... actually I don't win at most things. With this, I win. I've done something right with my kids. Compassion is something so many people lack. Thinking about others before yourself is also something I see our society lacking. My girl, she doesn't lack either of those things. While I may not know everything, while I may be constantly learning. I'm winning at this. Treating people how you want to be treated and thinking about others feelings.

As for the movie, there are "scary parts" or parts that kids may find unsettling. The movie itself is not scary. It shows love and compassion. I highly recommend it! Our youngest is 4 and he really enjoyed it... well minus the talking but I don't think that's going away any time soon!

Communication

A little over a week ago, Bella was doing some gymnastics during her PE time and hurt herself. She was doing a handstand and fell over as a result of her left hand slipping out from under her. We were not notified by school and Bella was in a fair amount of pain when I picked her up after school. She told me that her left hand slipped out from under her and she feel, injuring her neck. She said she told the gym teacher and was sent to the office for an ice pack. This mama bear was a little (ok a lot) heated that I didn't receive a phone call. I did a neuro assessment and checked did a solid head to toe assessment (thank goodness for 15 years of pediatric nursing experience)! I talked with her doctor and we agreed that bringing her in to the office in the morning was also a good idea.

On the way to the office that morning, I called her school. No one could tell me what happened just that she got an ice pack. Her PE teacher was in classes all day so that didn't help either. It's not that I didn't believe Bella, but I wanted to hear from someone that was with her what happened... specifically an adult. When the NP at the office asked what happened, Bella told them. When she asked me what I knew, I said just what Bella had told me because I hadn't heard from anyone at the school yet. Her eyes said it all... then her mouth "A neck injury and NO ONE called you? They should be glad she's not my kid"... in that moment, I bet the school was wishing she wasn't my kid either!

I emailed her gym teacher and waited for a response. We finally met yesterday. It did not go as planned. Initially the mama bear still had a fire under her butt (aka me!) and I was pretty sure that the gym teacher was going to go home and tell her husband about me using some choice words. Believe it or not, I kept my cool. Surprising, right?

We sat down in the lounge to talk. Turns out, Bella hadn't told the PE teacher what happened. The teacher had approached Bella because she seemed sad. Bella told her she fell but couldn't explain anything else. She sent her to the office to get an ice pack. We had a great chat about her concerns moving forward. She's never had a limb different student. The thing is, after talking to her, I know her wheels have been turning and she's been really thinking of ways to have Bella included and do everything she can while keeping her safe.

Am I saying I didn't or don't believe my child? No, not at all. I'm simply saying that there are two sides to every story. Yes I got fired up. Yes, I still think there should have been a phone call when she asked for an ice pack for her neck. It's a learning experience for EVERYONE involved. However, I went into the meeting hoping to be able to collaborate in order to benefit my child. Attacking anyone would not have been the answer and would not have allowed anyone to feel like they could come to me with an issue.

Bella made the decision to try the handstand and she didn't feel like stopping her. They have a list of activities they can try, including the crab walk, the bear crawl, the egg roll, the log roll... etc. Bella made the decision to try the handstand. Do I blame the gym teacher for not stopping her? No... why you wonder? I want Bella to do everything the other kids in her class do, I don't want to stop her or hold her back. If she wants to try, she should have that option. It's my job as her mother to keep her safe and lift her up, not break her down and discourage her.

The gym teacher had some excellent questions. Again, those wheels were turning! She wants to know how she can help Bella with jumping rope. She wants to have her be as independent as possible, which is always the goal for us too! She wants to know how much pressure is okay and how much pressure is too much on her left hand. I had suggestions for some things, which I'll share soon (so stay tuned) and other things I didn't. I commend her for really working to think of ways to help Bella. We both talked about how we don't know how to do things or how to help until the situation comes up. I'm not always forward thinking.

What did I do? I cam home and researched. I sent a text to our camp friend Keegan about joint pressure and asked her a boatload of questions. Can I tell you how mature Keegan is and what an incredible mentor she is for kids and parents alike? With Keegan's help, I have some ideas. I had some on my own as well. However reaching out to someone who lives with the difference is priceless, she has first hand knowledge about how I can help Bella.

Today, I'm planning to call Shriner's to reach out again. Our insurance is a pain and is not on the same page as I am with things. Shriner's is warm and welcoming and I'm sure they can help. They can also help us be an advocate to our insurance to find what fits Bella's needs best.
.

Can we all take a pledge?

Isn't momming hard enough? Wait is that even a word. Lately, I've been feeling a little judged about a lot of things. Earlier in the year it was about me working and not being at my kids school enough... another mama judged me for "working and missing out"... I went home and cried. I opted not to say anything because this mama is truly passionate about being a stay at home mom. I finally decided it wasn't worth saying anything because I was heated and that wasn't the right time for me to voice my opinion.

Why did I care that she stayed home? I didn't. She felt truly passionate about it and was expressing her passion which to me came out as more of a judgement. Whether or not that was her intention, it still hurt a bit and stung like salt in an open wound. Hey more power to ya lady! Were they days I wanted to be home more? Hell to the yes! Were there also days I wanted to gallop out the front door and say "see ya later suckers, I get to go to work!"? Um also a big hell yes. The night after my boys decided to be ultra quiet and proceed to color each other with permanent markers was one of those days... how could I survive being a stay at home mom?

There are pros and cons to each... as there are with many things while being a parent and in life. There's often no "right" or "wrong" way to do things. Wanna do a sticker chart? Awesome. You do allowance? Sounds good. Your whole family eats organic? Fantastic. You drink soy milk? Great. There's an on-going joke at our house, Ryan and I differ on a lot of things when it comes to food. He likes ribeye and lots of fat "It flavors the meat". I like leaner cuts of meat with NO fat. He likes crunchy peanut butter, I like creamy. He likes soft boiled eggs, I like any other kind of egg except soft boiled eggs. Somehow, we've still managed to make life work for the last almost 12 years.

I was judged again this week about my dietary choices. I'm pretty sure whatever I put into my body isn't seeping out of my pores and affecting them. What I do know is that I'm making choices that are leading to a healthier me and I've never felt better (well not including when I was 22 before kids and full on adulting, you know when I was able to sleep as much as I wanted... prior to insomnia). Overall, it's my choice and it's working for me! Ryan and the kids aren't eating everything I'm eating and they for sure aren't eating the portions that I'm eating. We've had great dinner conversations about how mommy is working on a healthier diet and eating less sugar and stuff that comes in a package. The kids know I feel better because I'm eating less of that.

At the end of the day, I'll do me and you do you. To me, that means lifting people up when they are doing something that challenges them. I have a friend that runs marathons, not my style but she loves it, so I support her. I have a friend that eats all organic, hey knock yourself out sister! Another friend eats pretty healthy but doesn't want to give up her one can of soda a day, it works for her. A couple of my friends do fitness competitions, to me I have enough judgment but for them it motivates them, kick some butt ladies! Can we just lift each other up instead of tearing each other down?

Staring

I'm sitting at a public place watching two women in their fifties stare and quietly talk about a twenty something woman. My blood is boiling. They keep staring at her for lengths of time and then whispering. My blood continues to boil and my heart rate continues to rise. This twenty something woman is dressed in what I consider hipster kind of clothes, she has messy hair, some tattoos and a few visible piercings. She's on her phone, minding her own business. She's not rude or inconsiderate. She's quiet in her own little bubble of the world.

Meanwhile, these two women start for lengths of time at her, then continue whispering. I wonder if the girl notices. I notice and I give them the side eye... it doesn't stop their behavior. They continue to stare and whisper, then stare longer and whisper again.

Is this girl hurting them? Are her piercings hurting anyone? Are her tattoos offensive to them? They are of flowers and designs, no profanity or nudity at all. Does her messy hair bother them? Is the hipster clothing not their style? A million questions run through my head. Have they ever been stared at and felt it or noticed? How did they feel? Do they think they are better than her?

I may not be wise or smart or nice... In fact, I'm kind of a bitch. Do I judge people? I try my hardest not to, we all have a little in us that questions things. Besides, who am I to judge anyhow? I'm kind of a hot mess. I've cried in public this week more times than I care to admit. I'm showered for today... but not always. I have no makeup on and bags under my eyes.

 I will share with you this, I won at being a mother the other day. Grayson, our sweet, mild mannered, compassionate five year old said "Mom it's okay if we have different colored skin. We can still love each other. You should just be a kind person on the inside. We are all born different." Listen, he may be small, he may be young, he may not have the years of wisdom that others do. I can tell you this. He is MUCH wiser than those ladies judging this woman.