Comment

I received an email from Bella's teacher titled "comment". In the body of the email she said another student made a "not so nice comment" about Bella's hand. She proceeded to say that the child sincerely apologized right away. Her teacher said she took care of it right away.

I read it just before I left for the gym for an evening workout. Bella wanted to go with me to get a break from her brothers and "play with the babies". The car provided the perfect opportunity for us to talk about the situation.

"Hey Boo Ms. Car* sent an email about a comment a kid said at lunch. What happened?"

"Oh well we were at lunch at Braydon* said you don't have any fingers." She said very nonchalant about it like it was no big deal.

"Really? I thought you and Braydon* were friends? That's a total bummer that he would say something like that."

"Yeah well he was just mad and sometimes he says things when he's angry without really thinking about it. He apologized and I forgave him."

"So you're okay with everything."

"Yeah usually when people say things like you're weird or thats different, I just say I was born that way and it's either okay or not. If it is then we just play. If it's not then that's their issue."

My sweet girl is SO much stronger and braver than I. This is something that she's dealt with for her entire life. She's figuring out that people are accepting or they aren't... She's also figuring out that if they aren't accepting then she can carry on.

My heart broke a tiny bit as I thought about the things she's dealt with in her short little life in regards to her hand and figuring out different ways to do things. She's dealt with kids at a tender age trying to figure out her difference and how it effects them or how it doesn't. I can't imagine how that must feel to her. I do know without a shadow of a doubt that she'll be that much strong and braver when she grows because of these experiences.

*names changed to protect privacy

Beauty and the Beast review

I keep seeing posts with friends asking "Is Beauty and the Beast too scary for my child?" We watched it and couldn't love it enough! It was a really great and engaging movie. It's very much like the cartoon movie... only not a cartoon.

Luca and Grayson were fully engaged. They both sat quietly and watched... well that's not the whole truth. Luca talks 24/7... yep like even in his sleep. So there were times when we had to say "Oh shh watch the movie, let's see what happens next". Like multiple times. He wanted to talk about what was happening and what he thought was going to happen next. Grayson on the other hand like our chill easy going guy, just watched and sat quietly.

Bella watched quietly and took everything in. Nearing the end of the movie, I saw tears in her eyes.

I whispered "Are you ok?"

"Mom he looks scary but if they really got to know him then they would know he's not" her eyes remained filled with tears. We cuddled a little closer.

"Mom why are they so mean to him without even knowing him? He's SO nice and so caring. He loves Belle. If they talked to him and knew him they wouldn't be afraid."

"It's just a movie  Boo Bear, don't worry" again, I pulled her closer.

At the end of the movie, we talked about it more. I'm so proud of my girl. She asks questions. She thinks deeply about things that effect other people. She cares about other people and how they feel. We've had these talks before about how people do things and it effects us.

I may not win at everything parenting related... actually I don't win at most things. With this, I win. I've done something right with my kids. Compassion is something so many people lack. Thinking about others before yourself is also something I see our society lacking. My girl, she doesn't lack either of those things. While I may not know everything, while I may be constantly learning. I'm winning at this. Treating people how you want to be treated and thinking about others feelings.

As for the movie, there are "scary parts" or parts that kids may find unsettling. The movie itself is not scary. It shows love and compassion. I highly recommend it! Our youngest is 4 and he really enjoyed it... well minus the talking but I don't think that's going away any time soon!

Can we all take a pledge?

Isn't momming hard enough? Wait is that even a word. Lately, I've been feeling a little judged about a lot of things. Earlier in the year it was about me working and not being at my kids school enough... another mama judged me for "working and missing out"... I went home and cried. I opted not to say anything because this mama is truly passionate about being a stay at home mom. I finally decided it wasn't worth saying anything because I was heated and that wasn't the right time for me to voice my opinion.

Why did I care that she stayed home? I didn't. She felt truly passionate about it and was expressing her passion which to me came out as more of a judgement. Whether or not that was her intention, it still hurt a bit and stung like salt in an open wound. Hey more power to ya lady! Were they days I wanted to be home more? Hell to the yes! Were there also days I wanted to gallop out the front door and say "see ya later suckers, I get to go to work!"? Um also a big hell yes. The night after my boys decided to be ultra quiet and proceed to color each other with permanent markers was one of those days... how could I survive being a stay at home mom?

There are pros and cons to each... as there are with many things while being a parent and in life. There's often no "right" or "wrong" way to do things. Wanna do a sticker chart? Awesome. You do allowance? Sounds good. Your whole family eats organic? Fantastic. You drink soy milk? Great. There's an on-going joke at our house, Ryan and I differ on a lot of things when it comes to food. He likes ribeye and lots of fat "It flavors the meat". I like leaner cuts of meat with NO fat. He likes crunchy peanut butter, I like creamy. He likes soft boiled eggs, I like any other kind of egg except soft boiled eggs. Somehow, we've still managed to make life work for the last almost 12 years.

I was judged again this week about my dietary choices. I'm pretty sure whatever I put into my body isn't seeping out of my pores and affecting them. What I do know is that I'm making choices that are leading to a healthier me and I've never felt better (well not including when I was 22 before kids and full on adulting, you know when I was able to sleep as much as I wanted... prior to insomnia). Overall, it's my choice and it's working for me! Ryan and the kids aren't eating everything I'm eating and they for sure aren't eating the portions that I'm eating. We've had great dinner conversations about how mommy is working on a healthier diet and eating less sugar and stuff that comes in a package. The kids know I feel better because I'm eating less of that.

At the end of the day, I'll do me and you do you. To me, that means lifting people up when they are doing something that challenges them. I have a friend that runs marathons, not my style but she loves it, so I support her. I have a friend that eats all organic, hey knock yourself out sister! Another friend eats pretty healthy but doesn't want to give up her one can of soda a day, it works for her. A couple of my friends do fitness competitions, to me I have enough judgment but for them it motivates them, kick some butt ladies! Can we just lift each other up instead of tearing each other down?

Staring

I'm sitting at a public place watching two women in their fifties stare and quietly talk about a twenty something woman. My blood is boiling. They keep staring at her for lengths of time and then whispering. My blood continues to boil and my heart rate continues to rise. This twenty something woman is dressed in what I consider hipster kind of clothes, she has messy hair, some tattoos and a few visible piercings. She's on her phone, minding her own business. She's not rude or inconsiderate. She's quiet in her own little bubble of the world.

Meanwhile, these two women start for lengths of time at her, then continue whispering. I wonder if the girl notices. I notice and I give them the side eye... it doesn't stop their behavior. They continue to stare and whisper, then stare longer and whisper again.

Is this girl hurting them? Are her piercings hurting anyone? Are her tattoos offensive to them? They are of flowers and designs, no profanity or nudity at all. Does her messy hair bother them? Is the hipster clothing not their style? A million questions run through my head. Have they ever been stared at and felt it or noticed? How did they feel? Do they think they are better than her?

I may not be wise or smart or nice... In fact, I'm kind of a bitch. Do I judge people? I try my hardest not to, we all have a little in us that questions things. Besides, who am I to judge anyhow? I'm kind of a hot mess. I've cried in public this week more times than I care to admit. I'm showered for today... but not always. I have no makeup on and bags under my eyes.

 I will share with you this, I won at being a mother the other day. Grayson, our sweet, mild mannered, compassionate five year old said "Mom it's okay if we have different colored skin. We can still love each other. You should just be a kind person on the inside. We are all born different." Listen, he may be small, he may be young, he may not have the years of wisdom that others do. I can tell you this. He is MUCH wiser than those ladies judging this woman.