Birthday Girl

Am I still a girl if I'm pushing 40? I'm going with yes!

I'm determined to make this year my best year yet. Not that I've had bad years in the past... it's just that I haven't made me a priority since giving birth to those three little loves you see in this picture. I'm determined to figure out a way to continue to find balance and peace within myself. I'm getting control of my diet. What goes in must come out... it comes out for me in the form of emotions, sluggishness, crabby attitude, exhaustion, tears... If I fuel my body with good food, it comes out in a more desirable way. So that's what I'm doing. 

I've been working out and I love feeling strong. I'm continuing to work out, lift heavier weights, really push my cardio. Yes there's the benefit of looking good, but there's the bigger benefit of feeling good. Feeling good in my own skin, feeling comfortable and confident. It's about getting control of me and what makes me feel good. Pushing my body just past my comfort zone feels great. I feel proud and accomplished. 

I'm finding grace, not perfection. Thanks to a great friend for sending me the book in the mail and supporting me in the journey to find me, embrace my life as it is and the journey that we are on. I'm learning to say no when I need to. I'm learning that saying yes can mean I compromise me and my happiness, which in turn effects those around me. 

So as I turn 38 today, do me a favor. Take care of YOU. Do what makes YOU feel good. If you feel like you want to do something for me, I'm asking that you donate to our goal of heading to Camp No Limits this summer. There's a paypal link on the right. Camp makes me happy and camp makes the people that I love happy too. Here's to my best year yet and to you living your best life too! 

I watched her sleeping

Last night, Bella asked to sleep in my bed since her daddy was working. I quickly agreed. Soon a day will come that she won't want to sleep in my bed. Tonight she did.

I got in bed late, as usual and looked over at her. Peacefully asleep on her daddy's pillow. Her long lashes rested on her cheeks, her whispy hair all over, her bunny next to her, all the covers kicked off. I watched her, I soaked her in. There next to me, lay my eight year old daughter. No longer a little peanut but instead a beautiful little girl took her place. Tears begin to softly roll down my cheeks. I couldn't shake the way I felt as I lie there and soak her in.

I remember being pregnant with her, wondering what she would be like, how she would grow, what her life would be like, what kind of person she would grow to be... so many what ifs.

Today,  I watched her as the tears rolled down my face onto my pillow. What a sweet soul she has become, always looking out for those around her. Always protecting her brothers and looking out for them. The other mother in our house. A bit of a worrier, a wonderer, sensitive, yet strong and stubborn, sassy but sweet and kind.

She patiently worked with Luca at the pool this passed weekend until he knew how to swim underwater at the tender age of four. She held her arms out as he jumped to her, his net of safety. She pushed him back to the stairs with the encouragement to try again, and again... and again. She tossed a toy to the bottom of the pool, went under, pulled it then explained the process to her little brother. She coached him on how to do the same thing, she reminded him that she would be right there. I didn't interfere, instead I just watched. I watched as she had the patience of a saint teaching her brother how to be just like her, swimming freely in the pool.

How was I so lucky to be this sweet girl's mama? How was it that 8 years had passed? How was it that now some of "what-ifs" were answered?

My dear girl,
You make me proud. Your kindness shines. Your laughter fills a room. Your warmness welcomes anyone to become your friend. I am proud of the sweet girl you are becoming and the way you treat those that are so lucky to be in your life. You guard my heart and are always thinking of how I'm feeling. You constantly remember that my dad died and how hard it must be for me without him. You are pushing me closer to God and pushing me outside of my comfort zone. Sometimes even grown ups need a push!

So you struggle with math, you get frustrated. My dear, life is not always easy. You pick yourself up again, you try again with all your might. You'll get it, be patient. I will always be her to pick you up and help you fight. You'll get it, we'll get it.

Know that it's okay to cry, for sadness and for joy. It shows that you have emotions and feelings. Life is all about expressing that to others. Showing them that you care, telling them that you love them and reminded them how happy they are. As I've said time and time again, I'm lucky to be your mama. I'm glad you are my daughter. There's no other daughter I would rather have in this planet.

As you grow, I wish you love, love like your daddy and I have. I wish you peace in your life, time for yourself and taking care of you. Peace when you feel overwhelmed or are hurting. I wish you friendships, like the friendship GG and mama have, an unending friendship that's there for life. I wish you happiness, like the happiness that I get when I'm reading with you at night. I wish you strength, strength to keep fighting, keep pushing, keep giving all of you to your life. I wish you adventure, the kind of adventure that makes life really worth living, the ones that make memories that last a lifetime. Money can't buy you happiness or peace, but adventure sure can!

Spread your wings my sweet child. I'll keep watching you soar!

KonMarie and Sparking Joy

I just finished reading this book... well when I say just, I mean last weekend. I read it on a Friday evening (real exciting Friday nights at our house!) in less than 2 hours. It was a quick easy read.

Last Saturday morning, I pulled ALL of my clothes out of my drawers, my closet, the hall closet, everywhere and started the process. Step one is clothes. Marie Kondo says to empty everything out and I did just that. She says to hold each item and determines if it "sparks joy" or not. If it does, keep it. If it doesn't, it goes. She also says to think about what you are KEEPING and to not think about "giving items away".... It might sound nuts or crazy but it worked. Before I used to purge and think "but I paid X for this" or "But this still has the tags on it" or "maybe someday I'll wear this"... heres the thing, I didn't wear it. It stayed in my closet or my drawers with the tags on. My closet was busting at the seems and my drawers were overflowing.

Let's talk undergarments. I had bras and underwear from pre-kids... my body has changed, boy has it changed! Why was I keeping stuff that wasn't comfortable, that I never wore, that didn't fit at all? I'll tell you why, because I had already paid for it, I felt like why get rid of it. This time, I thought "Do I feel good when I wear this?" "Does it make me happy?" "Does it really spark joy?"... there were so many no's. I filled two target bags with undergarments and tossed them directly in our outside garbage without a second thought. It felt GREAT! It was so freeing!

Next came clothes. Did it fit? If it was no, away it went. Was it comfortable? Again, no, away it went. Did it make me feel good when I wore it? If it was a no, it was a goner. Did it bring me happiness/joy? If no, gone! I took each item and addressed each question. If there was a single no to any of those, it was gone. After that, I hung each item up or folded each item and put it away.

Next up, jewelry. Yes it all fit, don't worry :) Did I like it? Did it bring me joy/happiness? Then I went through and matched my jewelry with the clothes I kept and put it on the hanger with the dress/top so it was all set when I was ready to go. That brought me so much joy, like a ridiculous amount. It's been so nice to pull something out and have the jewelry all ready to go with the dress/outfit. It makes mornings so much easier!

Why am I sharing this? As a women and a mom, there are struggles I face daily. My happiness shouldn't be one of them. I should wake up and feel good when I put my clothes on. I should feel happy when I look in my closet or my drawers, not sadness for what doesn't fit or what doesn't feel good. I don't want to spend my day digging underwear out of my butt because they are uncomfortable. True fact! Now I don't have to!

This may seem silly to you, which is a-okay. You do you! I'll do me! Doing me, means purging for once and for all. It means only living with things that bring me happiness. It means surrounding my world with things I love. I'm working to do that. I want my kids to have a happy mom. I want to have less stress and I think this path will get me there.

Next up, books! (On a side note, I didn't buy that book, I got it from the library. Library= free. It also means not having a book that I'll never read again! Free and less stuff= more happiness)