On being thankful...

Each November I try to write on Facebook some of the many reasons I am thankful. This November started out with a bang. So far it went like this:

The month of thankfulness begins: Day 1: I'm thankful for Ginny. Our friendship is proof that friendship can survive and grow no matter the distance. I'm thankful for our morning chats no matter the length. I'm thankful for her ability to make me laugh when I want to cry. 

Day 2: I'm thankful for our home. Though it's messy most days, it's proof that we live. It's proof that we play and we have the ability to cook food that nourishes our body. I'm thankful for our messy table which shows that we share meals together and make memories

Day 3: I'm thankful for margaritas. I haven't had one in ages but tonight is the night #midtermssuck

Day 4: I'm thankful for my body. It gave me the power to lift weights today and feel strong. Though it may not look exactly the way I'd like for it to look, I'm proud of it. It's allowed me to carry 3 pregnancies and birth 3 healthy babies.It's allowed me to nurse my 3 babies and provide milk for a variety of other babies around Wisconsin. It allows me to hold my babies in my arms even at 8, 6 and 4. It may not be the best body, but it's mine and I'm proud of that.

Day 5: I'm thankful for my Bella boo. She pushes me to think outside of my comfort zone. She challenges me to be the best mom and the best woman I can be. She questions things I never thought about at her tender age. She's wise beyond her years. I appreciate that I learn from her regularly and for her ability to make me a better me for her and for everyone around me.

Day 6: I'm thankful for being able to listen to my 4 year old use his imagination while playing cars alone. He NEVER plays cars and was playing and having them "talk" to each other. I stood at the top of the stairs soaking in his imagination and his ability to play nicely alone. He loves being around people and others that moments like these are rare

Then I stopped, I missed like 3 days. Why? Because work was overwhelming. I was meeting with students from the moment I walked in the door at 8, between every break I had and after class or clinical. I was discouraged. Discouraged that maybe my exams were too hard, discouraged that my students fessed up to not reading or even owning the book, discouraged that they weren't doing the things that I told them would help them succeed, discouraged that I was spending hours discussing the things I'd already told them. I was frustrated. As a professor, my biggest frustration is student's failing when I've given them the tools to succeed.

Here's the thing, some of them were super thankful that I met with them. They were really genuinely grateful. I was feeling overwhelmed, sad, discouraged. So the thankful posts stopped because at the end of the day I didn't feel very thankful for much, except that we had all made it out alive. I felt like I was struggling with that balance yet again. However, I need to get back at it. I need positivity.

Day 7: I'm thankful for my childhood. Though it wasn't always easy, it was mine. My parents loved me unconditionally. I never once questioned whether they loved me, whether I was wanted or whether they were proud. My parents gave affection freely, hugs, kisses and nighttime snuggles were moments we shared. I remember setting up the Christmas tree... I remember swimming with my dad at the pool. There were few distractions. They loved us without a doubt.

Day 8: I'm thankful for divorce. Yeah I know it might be an odd thing to be thankful for... were there times as a child that I wished that my parents were together? You bet your ass. Were there times, many times, that I hated packing up my shit to go to the other's house or back again? Yep that too... but I learned a lot. I grew as a person because of my experiences. There are things I gained... 

Day 9: I'm thankful for my step-dad. He loves me like I'm his. I never lived there with my mom and him, I was an older teen when they got married. I never once have doubted his love for my mother, he's by her side through thick and thin. I got a good one when I got him. Like a really good one. While he loves me, he really, I mean really loves my babies. They are his grand babies. There's no blood but their bond is thicker than that. Blood is not needed. The love runs deep with each of my babies and their Papa. 

Day 10: I'm thankful for my step-moms. Yes, my dad was married more than once. I really gave my "first" step-mom a run for her money. I tried with all of me to run her to the curb... she loved my dad and she tried to love me too. I pushed her away. Now, even after divorce and life changes, I love her. I appreciate her more. We love each other despite the past. My dad's next wife, allowed him to share his time with me. Though, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have cared if she didn't. I spent a lot of late nights hanging out with the both of them... while she's cut me out of her life now (apparently she can't handle that I'm "so much like him"), I appreciate that she was part of the relationship I shared with my father. 

Day 11: I'm thankful for our camper... not the "actual" camper but the memories it allows us to create as a family. We are disconnected from our daily lives, our emails, phone calls. We are all just hanging out together, playing games, hiking, swimming, adventuring together. I wouldn't trade those moments for the world. The late night fires and s'mores. The campfire smell that waifs into our home for days to follow. The moments that we share with friends that camp with us. 

Day 12: I'm thankful for my job. Though there are days I want to run away, there's nothing else I would rather do. I'm sharing my passion about pediatric nursing with students. I'm teaching them, I'm helping them grow into the future nurses that will rock this world. I'm thankful for the challenge it gives my mind, the questions that they ask that I can't answer. The ones that leave me wanting more for me, for them. 

Day 13: I'm thankful for my colleagues, old and new. I would not be the professor or the nurse I am today without the people that helped me along the way. I've been blessed to travel to different cities, meet Ryan while traveling, explore new cities, learn how different organizations run, worked with army medics and worked with true pediatric experts. There is not one person who's path I crossed that did not influence who I am today. I am the nurse, the educator I am today because of each and every one of them. 

Day 14: I'm thankful for Grayson. His love for all things wolves and animals. His love for camping and being a family. His love for watching Ryan and I dance in the kitchen and his love of marriage. The kid can't wait to get married. He's passionate, he loves hard. 

Day 15: With that comes me being thankful for my marriage. I'm thankful for a husband that pushes me to be the best I can for me. He expects 100% and gives 100%. Ten years in and there's no one else I could imagine embracing this journey with. I'm lucky to have him. I know that. There are times when I wonder what I've done to deserve him. 

Day 16: I'm thankful for Camp No Limits. While it only happens four days out of entire year, it fills us for the remainder of the year. The moments that you take away from camp are priceless. The friends become family, they become your support, your advocate to get what your child needs. They push you when you feel like giving up. They provide a network of people that embrace Bella and our family with no limits!

Day 17: I'm thankful for Luna (our dog). While it may seem silly, she's excited to see every single person in the house when they enter the door. In her ripe old age of 7, she's suddenly a 70 pound lap dog. She's a snuggler and a lover and is a perfect match for our family. 

Day 18: I'm thankful for our neighbors... they seriously bend over backwards to help our family. They have a family of their own and don't hesitate for a split second to help, get the kids off to school, sit while the washer guy comes, run over when we have a car issue or need an extra hand. I could not do this job without them! 

Day 19: I'm thankful for play dates. They seriously breathe life into me when I'm torn and worn out. When I feel like day drinking or like I can't handle another minute, when I have a funny story to share or an embarrassing one. I'm thankful for the ability of my mom friends to make me feel normal when I feel anything but!

Day 20: I'm thankful for my mom. I sure wish she would move closer though! I'm thankful for our relationship, for the growth that continues to happen as we both age (or mostly her, not me of course!)I'm thankful for the Tutu she is to my babies. She's forming unique bonds with each of them. The adventurous spirit she has and that she'll do anything for them, even if that means riding a spinning ride at Legoland 4 too many times! I'm thankful for her ability to calm me when I'm stressed, encourage me when I feel like I'm failing, and making me laugh when I need to breath. 

I'm all caught up! Finally... that was emotional! I'll be back... I'm not letting this month go without finishing it off!

My heart and soul

I've had a rough week, as a mom, as an educator, as a wife, as a daughter. I can talk more about that later. With all that said, I've cried 3 times this week. Some weeks are just like that. I was thankful for it to be Friday and have a long weekend before school starts for the kids AND for me too!

Bella was having a rough night. Luca really wanted to sleep with her, the little snuggle bug. She needed some space. She agreed because she knew how bad he wanted to and that we'd allow it because it was the weekend. Then, she melted into a million emotions.

We talked and she expressed a lot of emotions. When I told her that I understood her being stressed out and feeling out of sorts. There's been a lot going on in our lives individually and as a family. She has such a pure heart and a genuine soul. When we continued talking, she expressed that she trusted "you and Daddy, I really know that I can trust you. If I tell you something and ask you not to tell anyone, you don't." My heart melted into a million pieces. She realizes that she can confide in me and that I won't tell anyone. This says a lot about what she thinks about me. I'm glad that she knows that I'm a trusting person.

As we continued to talk, she made me realize that I'm doing okay as a mom. Sometimes as moms, we really struggle. I struggle with working full time, being a mom, doing volunteer stuff for school, being a wife, a good friend, maintaining our marriage, feeding my soul, working out and feeling strong... it's a constant balance. Sometimes, one side of the scale is heavier than the other. Today it was. Bella said to me "you and dad are really great parents, you really are." I thanked her for sharing that with me. I told her how I was proud of her and that's she's a really great kid.

Tonight, the scale was heavy on the mom side. Tonight, I cried happy tears. My girl gets me.

Camp No Limits- The last full day

The morning ran the same, breakfast, energizers, OT/PT, life skills and sibling groups, lunch then peer support groups. During OT Bella got to try some other prosthetics, which was really fun AND she got to test out the i-limb. Can I mention that the i-limb costs $90,000?! Holy batman. It was really interesting to watch all of the upper limb difference kids try it. Bella was able to trigger it perfectly to get the hand to open and close... to which her response was "This will be my next hand!". Lord help me! I know there are grants and other programs that make this sort of thing possible. If she continues to use her sports arm, then we may pursue something more.

(Hungry hungry hippos, human style!)

Next up, slip and slide. This was insanely fun! Who knew?! We watched campers, staff, volunteers and parents go down. The facial expressions while watching at the bottom were hilarious! I know you are dying to know if I went down it... you bet! I mean it's not every day that theres a slip and slide that's big enough for an adult. Ryan didn't go down it. Loser :) I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid for my life while I went down. I did slide off the end and into the grass. It was quite fun and the kids are sure to agree.

Water front activities were next. We found out that Camp Cross doesn't have a provision in their contract for stand up paddle boards which meant that an adult had to be on the paddle boards when someone that was under 18 was using one. Bummer for the kids because they really enjoyed it. Next year, Mel talked about building this into our Camp No Limits programming. However, if you know someone in the Idaho/Wisconsin area that would come to Camp Cross and do adaptive sports, we could have a whole day of adaptive water front activities! Please connect them with me if you do! Email me

The last night is always a slide show, talent show, and dance. Honestly, I want to cry every time I see the slide show. There are so many moments that other people capture of my kids or other kids that make my heart melt. Watching ALL of the kids at camp grow in just a few short days is worth every penny. They make tremendous growth in activities of daily living, being more effective with or without prosthetics, running, walking, buttoning, pony tails, shoe tying... most of all, the amount of confidence they gain in this time is worth a million dollars.

The talent show... oh dear Lord where do I begin... with this I will share one photo before I tell more.

Please tell me that you didn't laugh? I about died a million deaths! What good sports these guys were! 

Shine's hair shop was a big success. The "customers" left with lip STAIN, moles, mascara and who knows what else. The best part of the talent show is seeing the kids have SO much confidence to present something that they are proud of or be creative. I love it! Not to mention, I loved that Ryan was willing to put on a dress, witches hat, wig and feather boa all for his daughter. I got a good one!

They finish the night up with a dance. By this point, Bella was exhausted. She's our girl that has no problem saying when she's ready for bed. About 45 minutes into the dance, she asked to go to bed! It was fun seeing all the kids just let loose and dance around. Even parents and volunteers got in on the action. Truly no judgement, which is the best part of the whole thing! 

Pool friends

Happy Monday! The first day back from Camp No Limits is always a little let down. No friends knocking at your door. You aren't surrounded by your group of people that get you. Your circle is now back in their part of the world. You are left to fend for yourself. Today, I worked out and then took the kids swimming to get their mind off of the disappointment.

Bella instantly found a friend. Adrianna and Bella were both swimming around in the pool then started playing together. They were  playing in the pool, splashing, kicking, going under water, jumping in and then holding hands and jumping in. Adrianna asked Bella about her hand. I couldn't hear her but I could see her. I watched as Bella lifted her left hand above the water, showed her, they talked and then begin playing again. I watched as they sat on the side of the pool and Adrianna HELD BELLA'S LEFT HAND and they jumped in! It was so naturally, it happened so quickly. Then it happened again.

My mama heart melted. I had taken a break to sit at the side and boy am I glad I did. It allowed me to opportunity to watch this sweet moment happen. My heart was bursting with joy. I'm not sure if Bella's still on her camp high or what. I'm not sure if Adrianna just has a sweet old soul or what. I will tell you that I'm sorry I didn't take a moment to tell her dad about the moment I witnessed.

Life happens so quickly. I was in the moment. My phone was tucked away in my bag. Luca was on my lap and I was rubbing Grayson's belly as he sat next to me. I'm so glad this moment didn't pass me by. I'm glad I got to watch even if I couldn't hear.

Adrianna's dad, if you are out there, please reach out. I'd like to get our girl's together again. Pat your daughter on the back, commend her for being a curious little person that didn't offend my daughter, hug her tightly and know that you are raising her right. If you happen to know a fire fighter that works on the north side of Milwaukee with a daughter that is 8 and a son that's about 2 that was swimming at the WAC in Brookfield today, please have him reach out to me!

Life with Lemongrass

A big shout out to my dear friend, Steph! She did a facebook fundraising with her Lemongrass products and a portion of the proceeds went to Bella for Camp No Limits. She helped us raise $70.00! Thank you so much Steph! Steph reached out and asked if she could help us and we said yes... besides once we tried the products we were sold. The soap smells amazing and I've been using one of the scrubs daily. I love it!

Funds like this help us to get to camp. We will be using those funds to help with the rental car expense. It will help us get from the airport to the camp. All of the funds raised are put to use in one way or another. Some funds we use for flights, some we use for camp, some we use for rental car. They are all related to camp.

While our fundraiser has ended, lemongrass still has great products. You'll also be supporting a hard working mama. If you'd like to check out the Lemongrass products, do so on Steph's link here https://www.ourlemongrassspa.com/8498/shop/CATALOG.aspx

Until our next fundraiser, you can still help us get to camp! If you'd like to donate to getting us to camp, you can do so on paypal with the email sarahzizzo@hotmail.com