Be a little LESS judgey

I was at the gym on Saturday minding my own business when I overheard a woman say "She should've bought at least 25 boxes from her daughter!"... they were talking about a little Girl Scout who only sold 25 boxes of cookies. I continued getting ready but it got under my skin. It got so far under my skin that 2 days later, I'm still annoyed by it.

Can we be a little less judgey please? I mean for the love of Pete, she sold 25 boxes, I'm sure other girls sold 100, some even 200... but lets be real, not all of us have it in us every year to beg people to buy shit from our children.

Let's think about the stuff my kids raise money for: Jump Rope for Heart, Girl Scouts, Camp No Limits, Magazine sales, spring fundraiser, fall fundraiser... that's only the start I'm sure. But here's the thing, while I love Girl Scouts and I will eat the crap out of some thin mints, I have to balance my priorities.

This year during cookie sales our Luna girl was SO sick. The last thing I cared about was how many boxes of cookies my daughter sold OR how many I bought. My concern was for our dog, how my kids were dealing with a dog they knew was sick, balancing work, home, relationships, balancing homework and fun, balancing how to best help our Luna to be sure she was getting the best care possible and the most love. There were MANY days I spent home snuggling her instead of running errands or going to the gym. There were days I spent cleaning up dog accidents and then loving Luna. There were days I ate too many chocolates and days I didn't drink enough water. My priority in all of it was Luna.

What I'm saying is that people EVERY WHERE are listening, even people in the gym locker room. I'm a girl scout mom and I felt judged by these bitches in the locker room. Yes I said bitches. Think about kindness, think about love, think about joy. A little less negativity people.

Tonight, I listened to my sweet 9 year old cry herself to sleep about missing her dog. About missing her snuggles and her "unconditional love, she just loved you no matter what. If you were sad or happy, she loved you. AND she knew, she knew if you were sad and needed extra love." I told her that someday, she'd understand that as her mama I loved her the same way her sweet pup did. I love her no matter what. My words "if you are happy or sad, if you are a total jerk or the sweetest angel, if you seriously fail a test or if you do amazing, I love you endlessly, no matter what. Someday, when you are a mama, I hope you realize that I love you like Luna did."

Be like Luna, love unconditionally, no matter what.

On grief and love

This week, several of my friends have been impacted by the loss of someone they love. It's heartbreaking to me to watch their lives shatter before their eyes and the changes that happen due to the loss of one person.

My best friend told me some expert advice when my dad died. She said something along these lines...

It never gets easier, the pain never goes away. We just learn to deal with it differently. There are days you won't cry at all then there will be a whole week when you just break down. Sometimes it hits you at the most random times or in the most random places. Your heart feels heavy. Your life will never be the same. It will go on, in a way that's different than you know.


She was right. Six and a half years later I still feel the same way.

She was one of the only people that didn't say "God has a plan" or "God needed him more". When people said that, I knew they were trying to console me. Instead there was a fire in my soul that it added gasoline to. The fire burned bigger and brighter each time. I hated God in that moment. God was the last person I wanted to hear about. My heart was screaming out that there was no way that anyone needed him more than I did.

(Making memories with my babies and my husband)

There was no doubt in my heart that my babies needed to meet the man that raised me, they needed to know him not from me but from him. My babies needed to see his laughter and feel his arms wrapped tightly around them. They needed to see the way that he loved his children and that he loved his grandchildren. They needed to watch him face life fearlessly and live each moment as if it might be his last. If you knew him, you know that he did that.

(Pancakes for my kids, my mom did this for us when we were little and I remember it to this day. Re-creating those memories with my babies!)

What I've learned from all of this, share the love. Whether it's picking up the phone and calling an old friend or sending them a Facebook message. Spend time with the people you love, forget the gifts, build the memories. I can tell you there's not one memory I have with my dad that I regret. Do I have things of his that I remember him by? Sure I do. The things that stick out are the memories we made, not the things I can hold in my hands. Hold those babies tighter. Take that trip, who cares about the couch that could be replaced, the couch can wait, the trip can't. Read that extra book. Go on that extra long bike ride. Don't wake up tomorrow regretting something you could've said but didn't. Make today count.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you mama's out there! (Better late than never right?!) This year, I actually got to spend part of mother's day with my mama! I was excited to say the least.

I didn't realize how much my parents really loved me until I became a parent myself. I remember Bella being born and it hitting me like a ton of bricks. How can I love this little person so much? How could I love her endlessly and unconditionally already? It's like your heart doubles in size the day you become a mother. I remember calling both of my parents and thanking them for loving me so much.

I was really lucky in the parent department. I was a difficult kid and teenager, at least in my own eyes. I made good grades, straight A's. I was hard on myself and I pushed myself to the brink. I would cause myself a fair amount of stress because I worked so hard and beat myself up when I scored less than 100%. My parents were supportive. They didn't pressure me to get 100%, instead they provided support, encouragement and guidance. I was emotional (heck, I'm still emotional). 

I never realized how difficult my parent's had it until I became a parent myself.


I can honestly say that my parents were there for me through the good times and the bad. I learned some hard lessons. I learned that I'm super type A and that I struggle because of that. I learned that through all of it, I could reach out and have those tough conversations with my parents. Nothing was every off limits for discussion. We have a very open relationship and talk about so much. I think this is highly important, especially as a teen.


How did my mom and I celebrate? We spent some time at a Royal's game on Friday night with friends and more family. I LOVE Royal's baseball. My love for the Brewer's has never come (sorry Milwaukee folks!) and I'm not sure it ever will. We went to some antique markets... which my mom is NOT a fan of but I'm pretty sure she had fun. She knows that's totally my thing and I love looking at all that "rusty shit" as she called it. She even fell in love with a $2,000 dresser, what can I say, she has expensive taste! We shopped and run around then spent Saturday night at Garth Brooks. Totally a bucket list thing. Shenandoah opened for him (old school country!) as well as an upcoming artist named Mitch Rossell. He was also amazing. Garth and Trisha though, out of this world. Garth played for 3 solid hours, 3 hours! It was insane and a blast. We sang every single song and only sat in our seats briefly. Super great concert with a weekend of memories to last a lifetime!