Don't stare and whisper

I took all three kids swimming yesterday, alone. It's no easy task that's for sure. No one drowned, or choked so we'll call it a success. They actually all had a really good time. There was splashing and laughing and giggling. We stayed in the pool for an hour, which is a record! Usually after about 20 minutes people are ready to go.



As we were leaving, there was a couple in the pool. They appeared to be a little longer than me. They kept looking at me and whispering. I'm good at paying attention and figuring things out. I was able to figure out that they were talking about the dark circles under my eyes. I tried not to let it bother me but it did. For some reason I couldn't shake it. I wanted to say something but didn't. They were talking loud enough that I could hear every word they were saying.



We left and I thought about it for our short drive home. Why did it bother me so much? Why couldn't I shake it? Was it really that big of a deal? It's not like it's something I could control. But it did, it did bother me.


Should I have said something? Probably... why didn't I? Because what would saying something have done. What would I have said? Would it have made me feel better... or worse?


Let's be real. Staring and whispering (or thinking you are whispering) doesn't make people feel good. It doesn't make you look good and it achieves nothing. Be mindful of your interactions with those that are close to you. Be mindful about how they might make others feel.


Today, my dark circles are me. My dad had them too. They are a part of him that's passed on to me (thanks so much for that!). He happens to have passed away five years ago. Each time I look into the mirror and curse those dark circles... I'm also reminded of him. Don't get me wrong, I still curse those circles but for me, it's also a visual reminder of some other things in my life. It's a reminder of my allergies that he also shared. It's a reminder that I'm a mom and an employee and missing sleep does not make them better. It's a reminder of the times I shared with him and the sweet memory of his never ending love. Even still to this day, I know exactly how much he loved me. Today, I'll embrace those dark circles (though covered with a bunch of concealer) and remember though they may stand out in a negative way to others, they are a part of me. They are a part of the generation before me. They are a part of my life and my story.

Gloves, the struggle is real

Every year for winter, Bella struggles with gloves. I usually flip the glove inside out, sew the fingers closed, then cut the fingers off and she wears the glove as best she can... in years past, it consistently falls off. We put it back on, it falls off, we put it back on... and so it goes. It's a constant struggle but something she's never truly complained about until this year.

This year has been a bit different. It's bitter cold here this week. Like, my car said 1 degree but with the wind chill its -26, yes NEGATIVE 26. I mean that's cold! You need gloves, no question about it. With or without a hand, you need both limbs covered. Heck, you need your whole body covered and properly geared. Grayson's poor nose and cheeks, the only thing that's been exposed, has wind burn from the cold.

Us two handed folks take for granted that our wrist actually holds our glove in place. While Bella has movement in her left wrist, there's no real definition between the end of her arm and her wrist. That makes gloves a struggle. In the past, we've used a sock for her left hand. And yes, I always refer to her left hand has such even though she has no fingers. In the past, the sock is longer so it stays in place better and works as a knit "glove" on her left hand. This year, she doesn't want that. She wants to be like everyone else and wear two gloves. I can't blame her.

This year, we've had tears over gloves. Let's be real, we've had tears from all three kids over gloves. Bella because nothing works right. Grayson because it "feels funny". Luca because he can't get his stubby little fingers into the whole quick enough for his liking. Everyone has their "thing".

Last night, I laid in bed with each kid like I always do. I read them a book and snuggled. Last night, Bella asked if she could close her eyes because she was so tired. She closed her eyes and fell asleep in my arms. I laid next to her and watched her sweet face. Her little button nose, her super long eye lashes, the sweet movement of her breathe next to me, her long little fingers on her right hand, her bunny curled under her right arm. I remembered her as a tiny little five pound string bean and the nights of her curled under my arm nursing in the night. I remembered her as a toddler, so full of energy and excitement. I remembered her learning to read and figuring out the sounds the letters make. Tonight, I cried. Tears rolled gently down my cheeks as she lie there asleep in arms. My first born baby was now seven. She was reading chapter books and asking about makeup just hours earlier. I missed that tiny little babe that used to co-sleep in my bed at all hours of the day and night. My girl is growing.

As a parent, there's nothing more than you want for your kids to be happy AND healthy. I want them to work hard and play harder. I want them to work through their struggles. Gloves are our current struggle. Do you have a suggestion? Has something worked for your child? I'm open to trying anything to resolve this little blip in her road of life. Can you help?

First there was us...

Before there was Bella.... or Grayson.... or Luca. There was us... just us. It's easy as parents to get into the swing of things and completely side track your love or even like for one another. You get caught up in dirty floors, dirty faces, laundry, dishes, meals, Girl Scouts, guitar lessons, homework and well... life. You forget about blogs, about writing thank you notes, about handwritten cards, your passions... you also forget to really take the time to nurture your relationship. It ebs and flows.

Sometimes we go through life not taking the time to really embrace the one that started it all with us. Sometimes we reconnect on a date night or on the dance floor. Most times, you arms are filled with your children and not your spouse. It's easy to kind of just let life take over. Date nights become less of a priority and surviving is your only priority at times, especially with three young kids and a dog.

This past week, we reconnected... in a big way and NO we didn't make a baby (Dear Lord thank GOD we did not make a baby!). We went on a fantastic week long vacation to the Dominican Republic without kids! All alone, yes you read that right. We put each of the kids in a dog kennel and out we went to the tropics... well not really... we flew my Mom and stepdad up to keep them alive. It's a few steps up from a dog kennel! :)

Just a week, just the two of us. It was beyond amazing, it was beyond fabulous. We slept (well when Ryan didn't wake me up!) and sat on the beach under a cabana. We talked, we both read (I finished an ENTIRE 400+ page book), we laughed, we danced, we ate, we drank, we danced some more, we played in the ocean, and the sand, we went for walks on the beach, during the day and at night, we walked around the resort, we explored. It was just what we needed.

It's not like I've forgotten how much I love this man... in fact it's quite the opposite. Each day, I'm reminded how incredibly lucky I am. I have a husband that is truly a team player. We work together towards our goals, we support each other's passions and careers. He cooks most our meals, I do most of our laundry. He shovels and takes the trash out. He loves our children to the ends of the earth and he loves their mama. Each day, I watch him work hard for our family.

This vacation though, it was just what I needed to remind myself once again how much fun I have with this handsome burly bearded dude. We dressed up and went to dinner. We talked about our life and our goals. We talked about where it all started 11 1/2 years ago. So many things have changed... we've lived in California, Seattle, Hawaii and now Wisconsin. We've been pregnant four times and have three beautiful babies. My dad died and he held me high and encouraged me. I started and finished a graduate program. He opened, maintained, then closed his business. We've bought a condo, a house, sold cars, bought cars, bought an RV. We've been through my mom having cancer and he encouraged me to be by her side.

One thing, above all else remains the same. I fell in love with that man so many years ago and I've fallen in love with him again many times over. Above all, I hold strong and true to my love of him and the life we've created. It may be crazy at times but it's our life and there's nothing more in life I could want. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he'll be my partner in life and love for the rest of my life. I know that I will fall in love with him many more times. I know that my love for him will continue to grow.

Did I feel bad about going away for a week without my kids to show them that my marriage was important? No. I knew they were well taken care of and more than anything that they were loved while we were gone. I also knew that it was important for them to see that having time alone makes us better partners in life and better parents to them. I think it's important for them to realize the love we share for one another. So don't wait... take that trip! You won't regret it!

Thanks Mom and Mark for making this whole thing possible. I think my kids had just as much fun with them as we had being away. They were too busy to talk long to us while we were gone because they were enjoying having their Tutu and Papa all to themselves! It's safe to say they've asked when they'll be moving to Wisconsin and when they'll be back. :) Thanks to the people here in Wisconsin that shoveled our driveway, checked on my mom and Mark to be sure they were still alive. Thanks to my sister in law and brother in law for keeping our bunch on the last night, again they were FAR too busy to talk to us! Your kids will survive if you leave, trust me. There was NO lack of fun, that's for sure. Do it... take that trip... because first, it was just you two :)

Sadness

I don't post about politics or religion, it's pretty much irrelevant to our cause for this blog. This blog initially started as a way to educate others about limb differences and help raise funds for Bella and our family to go to Camp No Limits. Today, this all still holds true. Education creates power.

Today my goal is still to educate and help raise funds for Bella and our family to go to Camp No Limits. I've been given the incredible job as a pediatric nursing professor and course lead for pediatrics. I love my job. Like really love it. I love my students and my colleagues. I love the knowledge that they share with me and the collaboration that occurs daily.

Today, I'm bringing politics into this blog... I won't brag or trash either candidate. Today, I will tell you that I'm sad. I'm sad that this election has caused riots. I'm sad protesting is occurring in our cities across the united states. I'm sad that my children are hearing about these horrific acts at school from friends.

The news isn't something we watch with our kids around, truth me told, I can't tell you the last time I did watch the news. Years, I'm certain... To me, unless there's a positive story, I don't want to hear it. While yes, news has a time and a place, it's time and place is not in my home... not taking up space in my heart, not stressing me out, not causing me more grief. There's plenty of negativism in the "real" world that I'm exposed to. News is something I have a choice about and my choice is to remain happily oblivious.

I'm asking you, no matter your religion, your stance on our president elect, or Hillary, your view on politics... try not to bring your children down, try not to lose lifelong friendships... if they were your lifelong friends, I hope this wouldn't be an issue. Try not to let it ruin your day, your week, your month, your year. Spread happiness and kindness. Our kids, our world, our lives could use a little more love.

Be still my heart...

*this was saved and never posted*

It's bittersweet when school starts. It's a love hate thing for me. I see Bella's excitement to see her friends again. Our family runs on routine. We ALL do much better when things are well planned and we have a schedule. Heck, we even merged our calendars and started using google calendars to keep track of everything. I like knowing whats coming next and how I can be prepared. It helps to keep me from losing my $hit!

We've been talking up starting school for the last few weeks. After all, it is Grayson's first year in school. I can't believe my little lover is ready for school! It's bitter sweet for sure. He's such a love bug, he's kind and considerate. He's sweet and sincere. He's the best "finder" on the planet, you lose it, he'll find it... quickly! He loves dirt and worms. He LOVES wolves and is passionate about learning all that he can about them. He is the baby that mended my broken heart, coming into my arms two short days after my dad suddenly passed away. I remember little from his early days. I was blessed beyond belief but broken beyond belief as well. I remember nursing him through the tears in the middle of the night. I remember holding him a little longer because his sweet body fit just right in my arms. 

This morning, I watched him start his journey. His journey of learning and making friends. His journey of truly finding his own identity from his siblings. While I know that he has his own personality, his own loves and dislikes, this is going to be life changing for him. This is the only time in his life that will he will spend this much time apart from his siblings. He will grow in a new way. He will discover more of his passions... and with that follows dislikes as well. He will find his own friends, not Bella's friends, not daycare friends that his siblings share, his very own friends. His branch is growing our tree of life. 

Bella was beyond excited. She woke up at 5:45am and raced into the bathroom with a GINORMOUS smile on her face. She's said for the last two days "This year is going to be great, I just know it! I LOOOOOOVE my teacher. She's totally awesome!" Her face and her excitement were priceless. It reminded me of myself on the morning that I married her father. She was ready to head to school at 6am :) However, we contained her until it was REALLY time to start! I was ready before I was dressed, showered or had makeup or my wedding dress on! My mom, Ginny, Jackie and Leslie kept me contained until it was REALLY time!

And so it begins, our first year with two kids in school. Our first year with just Luca in daycare and home with me on my days off. Two kids with homework and school activities.

Homemade DIY shampoo

If you don't know us well, I'll let you in on some insight. We are a little bit crunchy and hippie. We cloth diapered all 3 of our kids. We now use the old cloth diaper prefolds for rags in the garage or when camping. We make our own laundry detergent, we use essential oils, we made our own version of Vicks, we mostly buy used clothes for the kids, we religiously recycle, homemade beard oil. ... yeah the list goes on. We try to do our part to make the environment a better place for all of us. We've been using this for about a year. Ryan and the boys love it. Bella and I had some greasiness at first. We've once again started the whole family on this shampoo due to the lice incident. Research says lice don't like peppermint or tea tree.

Here's our recipe

– ¼ cup of distilled water,
– ¼ cup of Castile Soap (in liquid form and be sure it's UNSCENTED)
– 2 teaspoons of jojoba oil,
– 1/8 of teaspoon of peppermint oil, and
– 1/8 of teaspoon of tea tree oil.

Instructions:
Mix the Castile soap and oils first and add distilled water in the end.. This mixture is excellent for dry hair.

Of course there are other recipes out there. This is a recipe that we've tried and have success using. We've tried other recipes that we didn't care for, live and learn! We purchased all of our supplies on amazon. Be sure to use smile.amazon.com when shopping and put Camp No Limits or Lucky Fin Project as the charities you are supporting. This helps kids like Bella get to camp or get the resources that they need!

Are you ready to itch?

A few weeks ago we had head lice at our house... as in we, I mean Bella. I was pulling her blond hair into a ponytail and noticed a few little sesame seed looking things in her hair. Immediately I knew what it was... cue the itching, the scratching, the panicking!

No nits were present, just the lice. I picked the 5 lice out of her hair then proceeded to treat her head. Poor babe! It took over an hour. Ten minutes of treatment time followed by an hour of combing every single hair with the teeny tiny comb that came with our kit. Not our idea of a good Monday.

These are not my pictures but rest assured I took about 10 pictures and sent them to my pediatric nurse friends. I can tell you now that they were all itching and scratching when the text came through. They tried to calm my frazzled nerves but I can tell you now, I'd rather have a yeast infection than head lice at my house. (Yes you read that right! TMI maybe but oh so true!)

Yes we did about 10 loads of laundry on hot. We washed every single thing that they could have been on. We checked the boys, I checked Ryan and he checked me. Talk about a crazy night. Not ideal.

The key is to check for them and treat them as soon as possible. We also did some major education at our house about sharing hats, brushes and hair ties. The thing about school is that the kids coats all hang so close together, if one kid has it then they all could get it.

This time we used an over the counter treatment called "Lice Free". I also know that you use cetaphil and then blowdry your hair and sleep with that in your hair. The next morning you'll have to wash it out and comb through to be sure you get all of the nits.

Contrary to popular belief, lice love clean hair... so don't knock me when I don't wash my kids hair all week :) Kidding... kind of. Needless to say, dry shampoo has become my friend. If you have any recommendations for good dry shampoo brands, sent them my way! We've also been using a homemade shampoo with peppermint oil and tea tree oil. The thing about it was that it left Bella's hair a little greasy looking. I think because it doesn't strip all of the good nutrients from your hair. Now, we are back to using it and just using less conditioner. The tea tree oil and peppermint are said to deter lice... in our case, we'll take all the help we can get!