Last week I took the kids to our typical pool location for an afternoon of sun and water fun. We were playing. Bella was practicing flipping in the water. Luca was showing off his flipping abilities and Grayson learned in two seconds flat. Me, I didn't even try! So she tried flipping for a solid 2 hours, I mean seriously 120 minutes people. No joke! She didn't quite master it but she was persistent!
While I was working with her, I noticed two girls about her age watching. Then I realized they were talking about her hand. Sometimes I want to go all mama bear, but I hold back. That day, I realized what they were doing and I wondered if she realized. I finally asked "Did you notice those girls looking at you? Maybe they know how to flip." She approached them, introduced herself and then they started playing.
Later, her and I were sitting poolside while her brothers played. I always walk the line... do I ask if she noticed or do I say nothing and pretend I didn't notice. I opted to ask. "Bella did you notice those girls you were playing with looking at your hand?"
"No, why?"
"I noticed and wondered if they said anything when you were playing with them."
"No, they didn't say anything. We just played."
"Does it bother you when people stare?"
"Sometimes but most of the time, they'll ask if they have a question. But, if they don't, that's on them."
"True fact sister boo!" I said as I hugged her tight. We continued our conversation about something completely unrelated to those girls.
I thought about it later though. How would I feel if I were Bella? Would I be as confident as she is? Would I be able to just look passed it and invite them to play? Would I even notice the stares? My sweet girl is a bigger, bolder, braver, more confident than I am. Where did she get that? How do I continue that as she grows? I build her up, that's how. I build me up, that's how. I remind her how kind she is, how she's always looking out for others, how caring she is to others. I remind her that I am SO very proud to be her mother and I'm so glad she's my daughter. I remind her that she's currently my favorite 9 year old on the planet and she's my favorite daughter. Yes, we laugh, because she's the ONLY 9 year old in our house and she's my ONLY daughter. I'm her favorite mother too :)
How do I build me up so that she knows that she can continue to be confident? Some days I run around in work out clothes after a gross workout. Guess what, don't care! I'm strong and I got a good workout even if I smell like locker room. Today I encouraged the kids to check out my "bulging biceps" to which Grayson responded "Your weakceps?". I responded right back "You wish! This mama is STRONG!" As I flexed my biceps. Strong or not in the eyes of others, in my eyes, I'm strong currently and I'm cool if others don't think that. I build myself up by feeling comfortable in heels and a dress or sweats and no bra. I remind Bella that it's most important to be yourself. I remind her that most of my friends now are "new friends" from the kids school and my closest friends remain in touch frequently. I remind her that it doesn't matter what the rest of her grade thinks of her, that it matters what SHE thinks of her.
How do you build up your kids? What works at your house? What can I learn from you?
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