Thursday, June 14, 2018

Stand up for yourself

A couple of weeks ago we had a bus incident. I debated sharing or not but here I am typing so I've decided to share. I'm sharing Bella's side of the story because that's what I know. I also know that we've had a history with this child so that plays into my mind as well.

Bella got off the bus in hysterics. Her face was beat red and her eyes were bright red. The driver motioned for me to come closer so I did. 

"She got smacked by a kid at school while we were still at school and the principal came out. The child isn't on the bus but she's clearly upset. Has the school called you?"

"No the school hasn't called" I said as I tightly wrapped my arms around my daughter. 

"Do you know who it was?"

Bella interrupted and said "Benny T (name changed to protect privacy) did it"

"Thanks for letting me know" I said to the driver. 

"What happened Boo?" I said as I was walking back to the house. 

"Can we talk in private?"

So we got home and we went right into the bedroom to chat. She explained that the child did something sexually inappropriate on the bus in the morning and her and another child reported the behavior to the teachers. When she got on the bus that afternoon the child was angry and said he "knew that she told". Whether he actually knew or not, who knows and it doesn't matter. He proceeded to "tap" her on the face then open handed smack her. The principal was called and apparently according to the kids on the bus it was a disaster to get the kid off the bus. His parents were notified. I called the school IMMEDIATELY. The VP was meeting with the other parents so I had to leave a message. To say I was fuming was an understatement. 

While waiting I talked to my kids about self-defense and what we view as "good self-defense" in our house... while it may not be okay with everyone else, here is what I believe. If someone puts their hands on my child inappropriately, my child has every right to punch, kick, pinch, bite, hit to keep themselves safe. While you might not all agree with that, that's my thought... We can agree to disagree. I'm all about you doing you and I'll do me. For me, keeping my kids safe is a high priority and this is one way I encourage them to protect themselves.

The VP called back shortly after. Our school has a "We can't discuss the consequences for other kids policy"... which I think is complete crap. It involved MY child and I feel like I have the right to know what the consequence is. I may think it's fair or not but I do think that I have the right to know, just like if my child did something, the other parent has the right to know the consequence. Yes, I understand FERPA and no I'm not asking for NAMES from the school. I've even asked "What happens if MY child did that, what would the consequence be?" and was told they'd discuss that if it happened... well out of my control so I opted to do what I could control... which isn't much.

Here's what I asked for: I asked for my child to be moved on the bus so that she was no longer sitting across from this child any longer. That was granted the next time they were both on the bus. It was a stretch but I also asked for them not to be in the same class for next year, as we've had multiple incidents with this child this year... we'll see if that's granted. I don't think that my requests were out of line.

What do you do to teach your kids to stand up for themselves? Are there books you've read with them? How do you teach them to avoid kids that are constantly causing problems? A big issue at our house is that Bella thinks she can "help others learn to be nice"... we've talked about this but she still wants to try. I value that she's a strong, stubborn kid and wants the world to be a better place. I want to protect and cherish that her heart is not hard to the world. But there's a part of me that wants to help her realize that we can't change others... I'd love to hear your suggestions or words or wisdom! This parenting thing is no joke! 

No comments:

Post a Comment

The joys of being a mama

Being a parent is NO joke. I just had a conversation with one of my aunts about how as parents we do the very best we can and sometimes its ...