Saturday, May 20, 2017

Words that hurt

Bella was playing a new game I brought home from my Kansas City trip. I thought the game would be fun for all of us to play together. My mom bought two sets for the kids so we could all play, well most of it. She bought it at my suggestion.
We were all outside and playing. Bella would hold the bit with her right hand and then pull the ball off and then toss it with her right hand while holding her mitt under her left arm. She was able to toss it, then put the mitt back on. Well after sometime, she was told by someone "Just put it on your left hand then you don't have to move it"... she got frustrated and came into the house crying. I asked what was wrong. 

"I just wish I had two hands" she said through her tears. 

My heart broke into a million tiny pieces. I could literally feel it shattering within my chest. 

"What happened? Why would you say that?"

In my mind, I knew that there was a time that this would come. I mean there's always a time when we wish for something other than what we are. We want a bigger house. We wish we had more land. We wish we were a size 4. We wish that we had more kids. We wish we had a different teacher... the list goes on! Why wouldn't our sweet little lady wish to have two hands? It's a normal reaction, especially since she was a bit challenged. 

That doesn't mean it hurt any less or made me feel any different. I wish I could just give her my hand. I wish I could make it different for her. I wish her heart wasn't hurting. I wish this game didn't challenge her and cause her to think that way. I wish that I could take away the pain that any of my children feel. I literally can't even imagine their first heartbreak. My heart will probably break into a million little slivers too. 

"I don't know why I said it. I don't mean it. I just wish people would let me do it MY way!"

To shay my love. To shay. Why can't you do it YOUR way? Here's the thing, she was and she can. Who were we or ANYONE else to tell her how to do it when we weren't in her shoes. How could we know what's best for her when we have two hands? WHO should tell her how to do it? I can tell you who, her friends that are born just like her. Her friends that are challenged in the same way that she has can help guide her. In fact, they HAVE helped to guide her. They helped with zippers, shoe tying, buttons... you name it. 

"Here's the thing, Boo. People just want to help you and sometimes we say things like to try it this way because we THINK it may make it easier or less difficult for you. BUT in the end, do what works best for YOU! That's the beauty of being different, we are all different and we each do things in a way that works for us."

She appeared to be soaking in my words. We walked to her room and laid together in her bed to chat some more. 

"Can we talk about what you said?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"That really made me sad that you said that. I can't imagine what it's like to do things with one hand. I do know one thing, I know that because of you being born with your hands the way they are that we've met a lot of different people that we love and adore."

"Yeah like ALL of our Camp No Limits Family. They are our family right? And the Lucky Fin people (meaning the Lucky Fin Project) and Jordan (From Born Just Right) and Shae and when we do the motorcycle fundraisers in Kansas City, all my bikers, and Gary" 

"Yes Bella, like ALL of those people. They wouldn't be part of our family if you were born with hands like me."

"Mom, it's true. I really don't want two hands because I love all of those people. I just want to do things my way."

We continued to talk and then she went back outside, picked up that game and did it HER way. You know what, HER way didn't hurt anyone and it was perfectly fine for HER. In the end, that's what matters. 

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