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Can we all take a pledge?

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Isn't momming hard enough? Wait is that even a word. Lately, I've been feeling a little judged about a lot of things. Earlier in the year it was about me working and not being at my kids school enough... another mama judged me for "working and missing out"... I went home and cried. I opted not to say anything because this mama is truly passionate about being a stay at home mom. I finally decided it wasn't worth saying anything because I was heated and that wasn't the right time for me to voice my opinion.

Why did I care that she stayed home? I didn't. She felt truly passionate about it and was expressing her passion which to me came out as more of a judgement. Whether or not that was her intention, it still hurt a bit and stung like salt in an open wound. Hey more power to ya lady! Were they days I wanted to be home more? Hell to the yes! Were there also days I wanted to gallop out the front door and say "see ya later suckers, I get to go to work!&q…

Healthy living

I’m 3 weeks into this healthy eating thing and I feel fantastic… no really I swear, I do. I’m sleeping like I haven’t slept in 8 years. Instead of getting up three or four times and night and tossing and turning, I get up once a night to use the bathroom (thank you kids for giving me “the mom bladder”) and then go right back to sleep. It’s incredible. I’m feeling better in my own body and I’m owning up to the mistakes I made with eating and exercise in the past.
What mistakes did I make exactly? I would workout like a boss then come home and eat a sleeve of girl scout cookies (hello, I live with a dealer!) What point was the workout when eating like that? Well the point was that it gave me about an hour and a half of kid free, me time. Was it worth it? Hell to the yes!It was for my sanity but it also wasn’t helping my waistline or the way I felt overall. I was still sluggish and tired and sleeping like crap.
What am I doing differently at the gym? Well I’m still working out like a bos…

Bad dreams

I went to Kansas City without Ryan and the kids. It was a very difficult decision to make. I fretted far more than I should have but none the less, I finally made the decision that I felt was best. I flew standby thanks to an incredible friend that let me use one of her buddy passes. It ended up to be cheaper for me to do that than to get there any other way.


I arrived and we worked like dogs. We sorted through things, we threw out a ton of stuff. There are shards of glass everywhere. We sat in the living room and then found more shards of glass on the carpet, in the furniture, on the table, in the lamps... it was non-stop. We went through as much as we could outside. We cleaned up the glass from my mom's vehicle. We did as much as we could with the time I had there.

My takeaway from the entire thing... you only have one life, the stuff is just stuff. Sometimes the "stuff" holds memories and you want to keep it to remind yourself of all the memories that it brings... but…

Staring

I'm sitting at a public place watching two women in their fifties stare and quietly talk about a twenty something woman. My blood is boiling. They keep staring at her for lengths of time and then whispering. My blood continues to boil and my heart rate continues to rise. This twenty something woman is dressed in what I consider hipster kind of clothes, she has messy hair, some tattoos and a few visible piercings. She's on her phone, minding her own business. She's not rude or inconsiderate. She's quiet in her own little bubble of the world.

Meanwhile, these two women start for lengths of time at her, then continue whispering. I wonder if the girl notices. I notice and I give them the side eye... it doesn't stop their behavior. They continue to stare and whisper, then stare longer and whisper again.

Is this girl hurting them? Are her piercings hurting anyone? Are her tattoos offensive to them? They are of flowers and designs, no profanity or nudity at all. Does her …

Decisions

This week is historically hard for me as I've mentioned before. To add to it all, my mom and step father were involved in a tornado this past week. I was shaken to my core. My mom could have been taken from me the same week as my dad... but she wasn't. My feelings went into overdrive, my heart was aching, my stomach was turning. I couldn't make a decision to save my life. One minute I was traveling all alone, the next my mother in law was driving with me, the next we were all driving together as a family... wait should I just fly? No wait, drive? All of us? alone? Dear Lord, I was seriously losing my mind.... whatever part of it was left.

My husband said in the twelve years we've been together he's never seen me so indecisive. I could not make a decision to save my life. Then we made the decision to go all together. I started packing and getting stuff together. Packing for five is no easy task and then sending the dog to our aunt's here... It was just a world w…

I see you

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Bella often joins the parent who goes grocery shopping, it's her way to con us in to extra snacks and stuff for her lunch. 😍It's also some nice one on one time to chat with her about whatever pops into her mind. Lately it's been quizzing me about math facts, she swears I don't know second grade math! It's hard to fit one on one time in with everyone when you have three kids but this is something she enjoys so its nice to have her along for the adventure. 
Last time I went shopping with her there was a girl with her father in front of us. I saw a side eye from the girl as she caught a glimpse of Bella's hand. The dad was paying attention to the line ahead and every once in awhile the girl would look our way. Again, another side eye. She was trying very hard to not be obvious but to still look. My eyes never caught hers. She simply looked at Bella's hand then looked away... then a few minutes later, repeat. 
I continued my conversation with Bella, occasiona…

Tutu and Papa

My mom is consistently making Camp No Limits possible for us and our family. She works hard to raise money every single year without fail. She's the one behind Bikers for Bella (and Harley and Chad too!) and helps get everything organized and set to go. She and Harley were the ones that wanted to raise money for OTHER KIDS and their families to attend Camp No Limits. She's worked hard to find the families and then reach out to the parents and offer to help.

She has a heart of gold. She does so many things for other people and is the first to jump in and help when she can. She cares for elderly people. She cleans houses for a living. She loves helping others and feeling like she's done some good in the world.

This week is typically a tough week for our family. Six years ago, I was 39 weeks pregnant with Grayson Ryan. My aunt suddenly and unexpectedly passed away this week six years ago. Then my dad suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. Then two days later, Grayson entered…