Oh, Christmas tree, Oh, Christmas tree

My aunt posted a blog about her tree and what makes her tree special. There are blogs upon blogs dedicated in having the perfect tree. How to space the lights, how many lights to use, what ornaments and their dimensions, how many ornaments... What makes YOUR tree perfect?

Our tree is decorated in ornaments from all over. From Ryan and I dating, from our days of living in Hawaii, from vacations we took, from first house ornaments, to first baby ornaments, to baby's first Christmas, my dad's old rocking horses and santas... It's my Grandma Tootie and Papa Allan's tree. It was passed to me and it sits in the corner of our living room each year. It's massive, too big for our house. Just right for the love that fills this house though!

These pictures don't nearly show it's massive size. It's perfect for us. It fills our hearts with happiness and joy each year when we set it up. Each ornament has a meaning and a story. I can't imagine it any other way. I wouldn't want it any other way. I can't wait to pass the ornaments to our children when they are adults so they can share their stories with their spouse, their family, maybe their children. I am excited to see what new ornaments will be added next year. What adventures will our family go on? Life is about the journey, not the destination!

Bedtime stories

This is our family on Christmas Day, all dressed up and celebrating. Each night we tuck the kids into bed, we talk about whatever they bring up. It's their turn to have some one on one time with mom and then dad or vice versa. Tonight it went something like this...

Laying in bed with Bella "Mom, I'm so glad you picked my dad to marry"
"Dad, if I was an adult and wasn't your daughter... If mama wasn't your wife... I would line up all of the boys I want to marry and I would X them all out and still pick you to marry"

Laying in bed with Grayson "Mom, I love Keegan"
"Mom, why are you so afraid of this plastic lion, it's just plastic. It's just a lion. It has blood in it's mouth. It's pretend."

Laying in bed with Luca feeling something hard and plastic under my head. "Here honey, snuggle your frog"
"No"
"What's this, Luca?"
"Moose"

My heart just skipped a beat

I was in the middle of a job application that asked you to fill a portion on disabilities. I scrolled quickly past then stopped and scrolled back up... My heart skipped a beat, or maybe it stopped, but I'm pretty sure I'm having palpitations currently. Do you see what I see?

___________________________________________________________

You are considered to have a disability if you have a physical or mental impairment or medical condition that substantially limits a major life activity, or if you have a history or record of such an impairment or medical condition.

Disabilities include, but are not limited to:

Blindness Deafness Cancer Diabetes Epilepsy

Autism Cerebral palsy HIV/AIDS Schizophrenia Muscular dystrophy

Bipolar disorder Major depression Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Missing limbs or partially missing limbs

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) Obsessive compulsive disorder Impairments requiring the use of a wheelchair Intellectual disability (previously called mental retardation)

I'm not sure I understand how "Missing limbs or partially missing limbs" is considered a disability. How does this "substantially limits a major life activity"?  My heart is aching for my daughter. How is she limited? There is not a single thing that she hasn't been able to do yet. She does everything every other 5 1/2 year old little girl does. It doesn't "limit" her life or her activities in the slightest. This stopped me in my tracks. It crushed me to my core. I still can't understand this... 

The birth of little Bella

While planning the fall kindergarten party, I met a lovely woman named Amy. Here's her story of how "little Bella" came to life...

"Meet Bella. My son, Samuel, met her this year in Kindergarten and he just adores her (so do I....LOOK at her!)Coincidentally, shortly after I made my first doll with a limb difference, Sarah (Bella's mom) and I were put on a fall party committee together. I don't believe in fate, but the timing was pretty amazing!!!
Samuel has been begging me to make Bella a doll, so Sarah and I decided that she'd have one by the time Bella went to Camp No Limits in January. Unbeknownst to Sarah, her neighbor Sherry (whom I also know) contacted me to make a surprise doll for Bella. Tonight, Sherry and her daughter played Santa Claus (because they couldn't wait any longer) and gave Bella a doll that looks just like her (hand and all  ) Introducing Little Bella...I have been dying to post these pictures of her doll, but I figured that Sarah would figure it out...."

Amy is right, I stalk her page and wondered when it would come up for Bella to have one. I know she's eyes deep in orders right now and I didn't want to overwhelm her by begging at her doorstep for one for my girl. I refrained (which is totally not like me!)

Back track a little... Every day we wait at the bus stop with the neighbors. We've chatted about random things like parents do. Sherry is there with her two elementary school kids. There are such sweet kids and so friendly. Luca is obsessed with their cat :) Anyhow, Sherry reached out to Amy to order a doll for Bella behind my back. Sherry did not know that I had already told Amy that I wanted one and was on the list, I did not know we were coming up the list so soon.

Sherry told me one morning that her daughter got "a little something for Bella for Christmas". I was shocked, what a sweet thing! She asked to bring it over Sunday evening but we weren't home. I told her she could bring it any evening during the work. I was working on a Monday evening when Sherry and her two kiddos stopped over. The details are lost from here, husbands aren't reliable for re-telling stories :) Anyhow, they gave Bella her doll that Amy made with a hand just like Bella's!! Ryan sent me a text with the picture. I almost lost my cool at work, I had to wipe the tears and pull it together quick style. First, Amy didn't tell me we were coming up on the list or that had one in the works for Bella. Second, I had no clue Sherry had contacted Amy, I didn't even know they knew each other! Third, how could a family that we didn't know that well do something so incredibly kind?! I was in complete shock at the whole thing.

That's the birth of our fourth child, Bella's sister, Bella. Who knew I could have two Bella's?! Sometimes one is more than enough :) She's taken up residence in Bella's bed and I kiss her goodnight and tell her good morning. I asked on day one "How did Bella sleep in her new house?" The response, rolled eyes and a groan "Mom, this isn't her NEW house, I mean she's always been a part of our family"... I should've known as much!

So there you have it, Bella and her sister Bella. I'll try to get a picture on the blog soon. She's adorable! Well made, perfect features, crazy hair, a cute little outfit, just like our Bella. Two peas in a pod!

Family

Being a part of the limb different community is nothing short of incredible. Of course it's scary when you first find out as a parent that your child has a limb difference. I've written before about the many emotions that I felt. It's like a tidal wave, ups and downs initially. Then you reach out for guidance, for support and get scooped up by the many families who have children with limb differences and adults that have limb differences that are making a difference in the lives of children.

When Bella was a few years old, a mom named Stacy reached out to me. She and her husband Jon were pregnant with a son who would be born with a limb difference. His name is Logan. We've emailed back and forth and became friends on Facebook. I feel like I know their family. On Friday, we got a package in the mail from their family, a shirt in Bella's favorite color, a card with adorable little owls and a handwritten note from Stacy and money for us to go to Camp. Bella immediately had to wear the shirt and sported it all over town. The note is in her purse. This is just one of the many examples of our community. I hope that someday we'll get to meet their sweet little family. For now, I stalk their Facebook for pictures of their wide-eyed smiley guy. He reminds me a bit of Grayson with his giant eyes, I love it! They just so happen to live in North Carolina, a place that Ryan and I have never been. Maybe there will be a vacation sometime in our future to meet the three of them!

I'm here to support our community in any way that I can. I've talked to several moms on the phone about our experiences and Bella. If it helps them, it's worth it. It's a small difference that I hope to make in our community of children with limb differences. For now, I hope that we have a new pen pal. Snail mail is the best! I guess you could say I'm a tiny bit old fashioned :)

Family Tradition

A little family tradition that we started at dinner time is "best part of the day". As parents we all know that there are rough days and kids have rough days too. This reminds us all to think of the highlights of our day instead of the negative. This brings the focus back to the good! I love it. When we are all sitting around the dinner table someone starts it "Best part of the day ____, GO!" and the person who's name is in the blank starts with their favorite part of the day. We do this, until our whole table has had a chance to have a turn. We even include Luca even though he's not fully able to verbalize, he laughs or does something silly and then we respond with "oh that's great" or "oh that sounds like a great day" then giggles start from the other kids because we all know that no one has any idea what he said.

Sometimes we can't think of one best part and have a few! Other times when someone is really thinking, we'll say something like "what about doing ___?" then they say something about that not being it and fill in the blank with something else. It takes the focus off of people not eating or throwing food and onto something fun instead. It's something the kids and our family look forward to each evening. It gives us a chance to really hear what's important to them. Often times I think they'll say one thing and they pick something completely different. It's a fun way to get to know what they love most and what matters to them, it really allows their personality to shine through. It also allows us as parents to think about how different they each are and what makes them tick.

Last night, I sat on the couch after working. All of the kids were fast asleep (that's the toughest part about having long shifts, missing them all day). Ryan was watching TV. He stopped the TV as I was working on homework and said "Best part of the day, GO!" and I told him finishing my paper before work. It brought a conversation about me going to school and my grades and such. His favorite part of his day was picking up the kids and making a great dinner. In the midst of the madness of our life, it was nice to take a little break and think of the good. I encourage you to take time to think about the best parts of your day!

I just emailed Miss Iowa

There was a post by Molly, the mom that started the Lucky Fin Project, about Miss Iowa coming to Wisconsin. Nicole Kelly is a beautiful example of what all women should be, smart, beautiful and confident. I think all girls should have someone that they can look up to as a role model. Bella is blessed to have so many positive role models in her life! The thing that I've found about the limb difference community is that all of the girls and women older than Bella are happy to guide and help her in any way that they can. To describe it as amazing would be an understatement. To have girls and women that are like her is important. They know how to do things that I can't teach her, like tie shoes or button buttons. They also know how to teach her how to deal with the tough situations, the questions, the curiosity. I can guide her in all of these situations but since I was born with both hands there are just some things that I don't know how exactly to guide her. Having these people in our lives is important.

So I emailed Nicole and asked her to come to speak to Bella's school or to have dinner with us. I would LOVE the opportunity for Bella to meet yet another incredible role model. Nicole is on a mission to speak to schools and help them grow and learn. This is a tremendous thing for her to do. To go on a "stage" in front of little curious children, full of curiosity, full of questions, full of excitement. I have no doubt that they can be greatly impacted by her. She has the ability to shape and influence these kids in a great way. To show them to be confident, to go in the direction of their dreams, to be kind and understanding. I'm hoping Bella gets to witness first hand what Miss Kelly has to offer!